I Am Woman, Hear Me... Cry?

I am painfully human. Scratch that. I am painfully woman. I watch the Notebook over and over and I cry every time. I hate spiders. I turn to Haagen-Dazs and peanut butter cups in my time of need. I collect shoes and go totally Lady Gaga over the newest fashions. I have a closet full of clothes, and constantly feel, “I have nothing to wear.” And, sadly, as a woman, I allow myself to engage in a cycle of self-abuse.

DO NOT FEAR! I’m not crazy, and I won’t be visiting the school therapist to prescribe me some Zoloft. No, my dear readers, that is not the case. What I do is this: I stand in front of the mirror, pick myself apart, and bully myself until my nose is red and my eyes are watery. This sounds… Zoloft worthy, doesn’t it? But it’s not! It’s what we women do. We are taught to do it. We even engage in contests with our friends of who can say the worst things about themselves.

Friend #1: I hate my thighs. They are so jiggly!
Friend #2: OMG, no! I have the hugest thighs. Plus, I’m totally broken out right now. Gross.
Friend #1: At least you have boobs.
Friend #3: You are both crazy. I need to immediately lose 20 pounds, defrizz my hair, and figure out some way to magically reduce the size of my giant nose.
. . . etc.

Have you ever had this conversation? You know you have. You know you have. And I’m willing to bet that, aside from Samantha Jones, you’ve never heard a woman (even one who you think is “perfect”) pronounce, “I love my body!” Instead, we pick on ourselves, telling ourselves that “we could be so pretty IF…!” We compare ourselves to those who seem to have better hair, a cuter nose, a firmer butt, flatter abs, until we have no choice but to feel inadequate. And we think that this is normal. You know what? It is the norm. But it doesn’t have to be.

Today I went to the gym (and burned 870 calories, according to the little calorie reader – go me!) and I looked around at the dozen or so women exercising. I thought about how each of them were beautiful, and how I absolutely adore strong, confident women. As they exercised, they all looked strong and confident – the little old lady with the toner sneakers next to me and the perm, who kicked upping the incline on her 2.5 mph treadmill; the 13-year-old brunette who kept mouthing the words along to her iPod, while wearing her school basketball shorts; the middle-aged Latina woman with no makeup,  laugh lines around her lips, and an inspiring look of determination. I love the way my mom looks when she comes back from a long run – so strong and healthy and positively glowing. Those women are beautiful. And I’m willing to bet that, at some point, they have all remarked on their need for “improvement.”

So today, I make a pact: with myself, with my friends, my mom, my sister, my cousins, my aunts, my grandmothers, with all women –

•          I will not disparage myself. I will look myself in the mirror and remind myself that, in the words of John Mayer, “I am bigger than my body gives me credit for.” And by bigger, I mean that I am bigger in the very best sense – my heart, my mind, my soul, my need to dance to and sing along with every song that comes on the radio. I will accept compliments with grace and ease, instead of the usual, incredulous, "Really? I'm totally having a fat day." 
•          I will not allow those around me to disparage themselves. I will remind you that you are beautiful and that you are loved, and that no amount of exercising and dieting will change the fact.
•         I will love myself. When Mark Darcy told Bridget Jones that, “I love you. Just the way you are,” every woman in the audience swooned. Let’s all be Mark Darcys to our very own Bridget Jones – let’s love ourselves, just the way we are.
•          I will take care of myself. I will not wallow in a sea of tears and ice cream. I will exercise. I will eat whole grains and lean meats. And yes, sometimes, I will eat cupcakes. I will enjoy the heck out of that cupcake. And then I will exercise.

So, to you apple-bottomed, big nosed, frizzy-haired, small-boobed, big boobed, curvy, skinny, sexy and beautiful women, stand with me and pronounce:

I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME CRY ROAR!!

I leave you with just a few pics of my beautiful friends and family, all whom I love, just the way they are. 

My law school friends: as brainy as they are beautiful, and stylish to boot (don't you just love Amy's lipstick color?)

My little Mom: A marathoner. A master chef. With perfect skin. I have great genes. 

Liz, proving that blondes can be just as smart and powerful as anybody! And yes, she cooks, too. 

My Grandma and Grandpa: 55 years married and in LOVE!  What's more beautiful than that? I just love the chocolate on her face!

The super sexy Jo Ann: with rosy cheeks and Megan Fox-esque lips. She'll dance circles around you in 4" pumps without even breaking a sweat. 

The lovely Nina: she cooks and bakes up a storm, rocks at the craft table, and does it all in complete and total girly style. And check out that hair!

Aren't they gorge?

This is me: I'm kinda funny.